this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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