She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
