did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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