maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
