ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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