I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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