If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
