you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
