The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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