evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
