my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
