glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
