saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
