All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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