Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
