the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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