come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
