the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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