chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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