just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
