I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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