I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
