The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
