Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
