Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
