just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
