I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
