my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize