When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
