instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
