so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
