the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I touched a dick in church today
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
