Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
