HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
