Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
