Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
