remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
