is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
