So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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