the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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