I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
