some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
