My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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