I am puke
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
