i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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