Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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