Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
