I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize