Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He better not be in your backpack
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
