I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize