I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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