kristin has been a bad kristin
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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