My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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