It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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