This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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