you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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