I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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