You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
