This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
a search helicopter?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
