i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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