Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
