pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize