She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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