your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
