if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
