.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
