Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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