I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
