ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
