Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
