Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...so i touched it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
