I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
