I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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