I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Duck Duck Cougar?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
