This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
