I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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