I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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