I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
