There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
