Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
