i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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