i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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