coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
