Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
