"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
