if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize