Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
pray to the hookup gods
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
