My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
