He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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