I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
