he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
