It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
