wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
