there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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