I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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