That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
