Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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