High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
