just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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