If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
