Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
