You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
