There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
