I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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