I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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