Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
