I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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