Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
